What Do You Need to Release?

At the beginning of every yoga class, I ask my students to find an “anchor” for class. Something to bring them back to the present moment when they notice their mind has slipped into thought and wandered away from the mat. An anchor can be something such as staying connected to the sensation of the breath—soft inhales, gentle exhales—or the feeling of the mat beneath their toes, or to find a word or mantra such as “acceptance” or “find the ease.”

However, for the month of March, I decided to set a theme for the class as a collective anchor. Everyone’s interpretation and choice as to how to implement the anchor is completely up to them (or even to choose something totally different. I’m here for the yogis that go rogue!). The class theme is: RELEASE.

I invited the class to find a comfortable position to begin, and prompted the students to take an inventory of themselves to find what they need to release throughout the class. This would be their anchor. It could be physical, mental, or emotional. The magic about releasing is it creates space in the body and mind to go deeper. Physically, deeper into the posture. But also mentally and emotionally, it allows us to reach new depths inside when we release the things we clench and cling to: perfectionism, resentment, self-judgment, doubt, control, fear… the list goes on and on.

I’ve since been reflecting on what it is I need to release in my life. I don’t give a damn about released hamstrings if my heart isn’t open and released as well. It’s funny how I can be blind to my own self sometimes, but surely enough, as I let the question sit and ponder within, I realize I need to let go of control. The need for certainty. The resistance to change. The fear of the unknown.

But what is control? In the context I’m using it (something I need to let go of), even the word is annoying to me! But truly, all that control is, is self-protection. It’s disguised fear. It’s an attempt to find a sense of autonomy or even certainty over a given situation, outcome, etc. But at the end of the day, the things we are trying to control end up controlling us. And none of us want that.

Life is not linear. It’s more like the ocean. An ebb and flow. Rise and fall. Things come and go.

Have you ever tried to scoop up water in your hand and close your grasp to keep the water? The water slips through the cracks, and you end up clenching onto nothingness (and likely end up with achey fingers too). It’s wasted energy. Control is merely an illusion. But we so often cling to it for dear life only to have all sense of peace slip away from our hearts and a lot less energy for the beautiful things of life.

So I ask you: What do you need to release?

Below are four tips I have for you to get you started!

Step one:
Discern what it is that you need to let go of. Be specific about what it is you’re releasing.
Ask yourself: What’s making me feel stuck and held back? What heaviness am I carrying? Where am I holding tension?

Perhaps you need to release expectations of yourself or other people. Maybe you need to release self-judgment to make space for self-compassion. Maybe, like me, you’re working to release control and learning to surrender to where life is calling you to go. There are many things we hold on to. Pick one or two things that you want to focus on. Below are a few other prompts that may help your self-inventory.

Do you feel the need to always be busy or productive?
Release the fear of being still (staying busy can be its own addiction!)

Do you find yourself resisting your current life situation/relationship/etc?
Release the fear of accepting things as they are.

Do you feel the pressure to do everything perfectly?
Release the fear of imperfection.

Do you find yourself comparing your current situation to other people and judging it as better or worse than your own?
Release the fear of comparison and unfairness (comparison doesn’t help any situation).

Release, release, release…

Step two:
Think of one way today that you can release what you intend to let go of.
Ask yourself: What can I do about it? How can I create more space in my life?

Much like I do for my students in my class, I like to get into a relaxing posture (child’s pose, savasana, reclined butterfly pose, just to name a few) and rest there for a few moments, allowing my breath to relax my body. A relaxed body creates an environment for the mind to soften and the spirit to restore. Once my body has relaxed, I call to mind what my heart is yearning to release. Releasing emotions or pain comes naturally once you’ve cultivated this space of safety inside. It’s like embodied prayer.

Find whatever it is for you that will release your heart. It could be the relaxation technique I described above. Or a simple prayer. Time in nature. Expressing yourself through creativity (I hear painting is cathartic). Hold yourself accountable and do your one thing today.

Step three:
Notice how you feel after.
Ask yourself: How do I feel now? Do I feel any different?

Find a journal to write it out; this will be your very own data for your self-growth! Maybe you feel more open and spacious inside. Maybe you feel a greater sense of peace. Maybe you don’t and that’s ok too. Releasing takes time. There’s no magical short cut (and if there is, someone please tell me!) and the deeper engrained things are, the longer it can take to release.

Step four:
Practice. We don’t change or improve by doing something once and never going back. Practice creates lasting change!
Ask yourself: How can I implement this practice in my daily life?
Start with a week. That’s just 7 days! It could be 10 minutes a day if that’s all you have. But keep this promise to yourself and do it. You can even tell a friend as an “accountability-buddy.”

I can’t wait for you to experience the beauty of releasing. Bringing mindfulness to what we are releasing is a very powerful thing. Let’s invite peace into our hearts, today and everyday :)


Serenity and love,

Colleen

4 Ways You Can Start Healing Today

We’ve all experienced pain and struggle but sometimes navigating our way out looks and feels like a twisty and turning maze. Whether it’s heartbreak, or the loss of a loved one, or dealing with anxiety or depression, healing is possible and you have the resources within to find that healing. Below are 4 truths that can lead you to the path of healing today. So grab a cup of tea, put on your coziest slippers and join me!

1. Healing takes time.
Healing often takes longer than we think it “should.” Although this may seem like a bad thing, I’ve come to believe it’s a hidden gift. Beneath all that causes us to suffer is the lesson we need to be freed from suffering. The process of healing is learning those wisdom-filled lessons that come from pain and struggle. Those lessons reveal deeper aspects and truths about ourselves and ultimately, are what lead to healing.

I am a self-proclaimed word nerd and I’m not remotely embarrassed to admit it either! As I was reflecting on what healing means to me, I Google searched “healing” to see what synonyms would come up. The two words that stuck out to me were “soften” and “ease.” I felt myself take a deeper breath. This resonated as true. Oftentimes when we are suffering, we harden. Regardless of what is causing us to suffer, we tend to cut ourselves off from people, withdraw, and close off. Our inner critic gets louder. “What’s wrong with me?” We blame ourselves or we blame other people. We close ourselves off to the outside world and retreat to a dark, lonely place inside. This is our initial reaction to trauma or heartbreak. Can you relate?

However, if healing is the process of restoring our inner self then it seems the only path is to soften. If you think about it, the reason we “harden” to begin with is because it makes us less penetrable; it’s a self-protection mechanism. When we soften, we become vulnerable to the emotions that allow us to feel our pain. But that is where the change happens and it is only by allowing ourselves to feel that we can heal. It’s counterintuitive, but it’s where the transformation takes place.

As a yoga instructor, I often guide my students to “soften a little deeper with every exhale.” This allows them to sink deeper into the posture and find more ease. I believe this is what happens on an emotional and spiritual level when we allow ourselves to soften. Softening invites compassion, which creates a space for us to feel—and therefore work through our pain.

Try it with me:

Take a moment to take a nice, deep breath. As you exhale, sigh it all out. Allow your chest to sink, shoulders to soften. Inhale nice and deep again, allow the air to fill up your rib cage, chest lifts…and sigh it out again. Ahh…

What did you feel when you allowed yourself to fully exhale? Did you feel relief? Did you feel yourself soften? Within 10 seconds, you were able to relieve tension from your physical body. Imagine the impact of softness in response to all of your pain and suffering. How would that change your experience? How would it change you?

Healing does take time. Healing does take work. But most often it takes time and work because we have to unlearn the tendencies that harden us, and keep us running away from experiencing softness and ease. Maybe the lesson underneath your suffering is learning to surrender, or trust, or practice acceptance or self-forgiveness or realizing you do not need to earn your worth. Whatever the lesson is, softness will get you there sooner. So do not be disheartened by the process. Allow yourself to soften. Allow yourself to feel. And allow the healing to happen.

2. Healing takes presence.

I often catch myself falling into this “fantasy world” of what my future “healed” self will be like. She’s off in the distance in this perfect universe that feels almost within my reach. She’s happy, free, and untouched by the things that once caused deep pain (probably off in the mountains or on a perfect beach somewhere in the Caribbean, just saying). However, there are two major things wrong with this scenario: the future never exists—it’s only the continuation of the present moment— and I will never become that person if I don’t take action now. It’s about taking baby steps in the right direction everyday. Instead, I ask myself: “What or how would my best self react in this given situation?” This question allows me to take action. This brings healing and growth into the present. Healing doesn’t happen later. It happens now. Perhaps that is the gift of the present moment. It’s where all life takes place. Every moment is an opportunity for mindfulness, healing, and kindness.

Try it with me:

The next time you find yourself having a strong emotional reaction to something or someone, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself: What would the person I’m striving to become do in this situation? How would he or she react? What would he or she say?

I’ve learned never to take action when I’m in an elevated emotional state. I have to let the strong emotions run their course. I cannot make my best decisions—especially important ones—or address whatever is causing my distress without becoming grounded first. For me, this often means taking a long walk or talking to a friend to help process the situation. Once I’ve regathered myself, I’m then able to address whatever the given situation is (whether it’s a person, a conversation, or something else) with more poise and grace.


3. Healing takes trust.
”Trust the process” is something my therapist has been telling me for years. When things get hard and painful, I so quickly jump to fear. It feels like the world can unravel uncontrollably inside. Life can feel overwhelming despite my best efforts to remain grounded. After one stressful week it feels like all of my hard work regresses back to my unhealthy thought patterns and habits. Defeated. As someone recovering from an eating disorder, this usually looks like doubting my hunger, distrusting my body’s natural cues, or judging my need for food altogether.

What does it mean to trust the process? I believe it comes down to something as simple and difficult to live out as this: learning to trust the inner knowings of your heart. That whisper inside? The quiet nudge that often asks you to act in a way that’s braver than you normally would choose to? That.

Healing looks different for everyone. I’ve previously battled with deep depression and continue to work through anxiety. I’ve previously used exercise addiction and an eating disorder to cope. I used to treat my body like a machine; depriving it of what it needs and forcing it beyond its limits as a way to run away from feelings. For me, trusting the process means slowing down enough to hear what’s going on inside. To feel the hunger. To feel the fear. In this stillness is where that inner voice can be heard. There’s a quote that I love that articulates this simply: “Quiet the mind and the soul will speak.” When we learn to hear that voice, is when we can truly trust the process.

Try it with me:
Think back to the last time you were feeling really stressed or overwhelmed. What were your compensations: Were you tempted to overwork? Or lie on the couch for 15 hours straight? Or reach for food that makes you feel lousy afterward? Those fall back habits are our natural response to stress. To reverse those habits, we have to get in touch with ourselves to know what we truly need. Rest? Nourishing food? Calling a friend? Take a moment to write down 3-5 healthy coping mechanisms to refer back to next time you’re feeling overwhelmed. For example: drink a glass of water, go for a walk outside, get creative and do a craft, watch 20 minutes (not 12 hours) of your favorite show. Nourishing your spirit will make it easier to hear your inner voice.

4. Healing offers service.
Nothing forces us to look within like hitting rock bottom. Soul-crushing, heart-shattering life experiences are sometimes the only way to get our attention. This is often a wake up call from a deep life purpose that is emerging from within. Rock bottom comes to break us open. To break us into place.

It is in the human heart to want to make a difference in the world. We only feel a deep sense of satisfaction when we are living out from our heart and contributing to the world in a way that feels meaningful. In Sanskrit, the word Seva means “selfless service.” Part of what redeems the things in our lives that have caused us great pain and suffering is being able to help others walk through paths that are similar to ours. The truth is, suffering deepens our ability to understand others. It deepens our capacity for compassion. It draws out some of the most beautiful aspects of the human spirit: resilience, wisdom, kindness, compassion. This can only happen, however, when we ourselves choose to heal.

I believe my struggles with an eating disorder and exercise addiction are what led me to become a yoga instructor and personal trainer. This is part of my way of turning my struggles into a service to others. It is of utmost importance to me that I bring that holistic approach that I’ve learned from my own journey to my clients—taking into account the mental, emotional and physical needs of each person. That is where true transformation takes place: both inside and out! For this reason, I approach every client or yoga class with the intention of connecting my students more to their bodies, because our bodies are our best teacher.

Try it with me.
Ask yourself: What sets your heart on fire and makes you want to stand up for something important to you? What has been a main source of pain in your life? These are little stepping stones and clues to how you can contribute to the world from an authentic, heartfelt space.

I hope these 4 tips connected you to the deeper truths within yourself. I’d like to end with the words of a loving-kindness meditation called “Metta Meditation”:

May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful and at ease.

What's Your Compass? Tips To Begin 2022 Mindfully and Intentionally

It’s January 1, 2022.

For some, New Years means writing down ambitious goals and dreaming big. For others, it means an eye roll and face palm—what’s the point, it’s just another day!

In either case, I think beginning the New Year with mindful reflection and intentionality is something everyone deserves to set aside time to do. Yes, YOU!

Where to start, you may ask?

Let’s begin with acknowledging what you’re proud of doing in 2021. It could be something external such as getting a raise at work or deciding to go to therapy, or it could be internal such as becoming better at setting boundaries or sticking to a meditation practice. Whatever it may be, take 5 minutes right now to write down at least 3 reasons you’re proud of yourself—it can be big or small. Grab your pen and paper and set the timer for 5 minutes. Don’t worry, I’ll wait! :-)

As a personal trainer who works at a gym, I hear a lot of “diet talk.” In fact, I’m ready to go into work inundated with comments about food, fitness, and ways to “fix” our bodies. However, I have a different approach that I’d like to invite you to try. Take some time to reflect on some of your core values. What are the things that bring purpose and meaning to your life? What makes you feel like you’re living out your best self?

For example, some of mine include: authentic connection, creative expression, working hard at the things that are important to me, taking care of my body and mental health, cultivating a meditation practice.

It’s easy to lose touch with our core values during times of stress, external responsibilities, and with all that life throws at us—um, pandemic, obviously! However, remembering and reconnecting with our core values can help bring us back to ourselves if we feel we’ve been swept away in the chaos of life. Take 5-10 minutes (or more!) to write down at least 5 of your core values. If you need some guidance as to where to start, ask yourself the questions mentioned above.

Once you’ve written down what some of your core values are, think of a few practical ways to cultivate, align and implement them into your life. For me this looks like making sure I schedule meaningful get-togethers with close friends, set aside time to journal, write and play music, etc. This not only helps to keep me from becoming ungrounded, but also helps bring me home to myself when things do get tough.

At the risk of sounding too “New Years Resolution-y,” — hear me out — ask yourself: What is one mindset habit I'd like to let go of?
For example:
- perfectionism and being too hard on yourself
- trying to control people or things that are out of your control
- comparing yourself to others
- overcommitting to other people at the cost of your own well-being

In exchange for that mindset shift, reflect on a word, phrase, or quote that can take the place of what you’re trying to let go of. For example, I love picking a word or two every year that aligns with the trajectory I want. My words this year are thrive (I have some professional, personal, and creative goals I am set after) and savor (taking time to mindfully enjoy food, slow down to soak in a beautiful sunset, etc). My intention for choosing these words is to use them as a little compass to make sure the decisions I’m making throughout each day are bringing me closer to the path I have set for myself.

Lastly, don’t forget that you are already enough. You do not need to fix yourself to earn love. Just step into who you truly are, and that is enough. <3

I hope these exercises helped you feel grounded and hopeful for the coming year! Feel free to comment below any of your intentions or ideas you have as well!

Serenity and love,

Colleen

Mountain Reflection

It’s 7:23 in the morning.

I step out onto the porch to soak in the view that I’ve always called home: the misty mountains blue. There’s a majestic energy that is visceral when I take a step outside. It’s a full body experience: the gentle breeze caresses my skin; the birdsong echoes in the distance; the mist hovers above the trees and beyond the mountains; the air is so sweet and earthy I can almost taste it. The chatter of my mind comes to a hush as my spirit awakens to the beauty around me.

I find myself searching for this feeling when I’m not at my home in Vermont to experience it. But I ask myself: is this feeling outside of me? Or, perhaps, the beauty and sacredness of the earth, sky, and stars connects me with the intrinsic stillness my soul yearns for?

I close my eyes and take a few long, deep breaths. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be; a glimpse of heaven here on earth. My soul’s thirst for stillness is quenched. My mind’s longing for rest settles. My heart opens with gratitude.

No picture can fully capture the essence of this view: the colors, the depth, the smells, the energy. It must be felt. I hug these moments close to my heart to come back to when I feel overwhelmed by life.

Lately I’ve been struggling with feelings of guilt because my energy cannot meet the demands of my life: at work, in my interpersonal relationships, in my own creative endeavors. I feel out of balance and out of sync from the voice in my soul. I know that stillness and creativity are always the answer to these existential ponderings. I know I need to slow down, but how? Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Why does breathing feel like something I have to remind myself of? Why does life feel so demanding? What am I doing wrong?

Maybe that’s just it, though: maybe I’m depriving myself of interior quiet and stillness by not honoring my energy needs. Maybe only when I honor my energy I’ll be able to get everything done because I will prioritize what truly needs to get done, and let go of the expectations and unnecessary demands I put on myself.

Perhaps you can relate. If so, this is your permission slip to take a moment to breathe. And allow that breath to create space in you, and in your life.

Serenity and love,

Colleen

Why You Shouldn't 'Compliment' Others About Their Weight - As seen on "The Mighty"

Recently I had an exchange with someone at work that simultaneously made my eyes widen and my heart sink. I believe it’s worth sharing because there’s a message beneath it.

It was a Tuesday afternoon. I was walking down the hall. Ahead of me was a coworker I’ve known for years. Someone I cross paths with almost daily. What seemed like out of nowhere, she said to me:

“You look strange.”

Confused by what I’d heard, I said, “What?”

”You look smaller. You lost weight.” Her hands gestured from wide to narrow.

Truthfully, my reaction to this comment is a blur because I was so taken aback.

She continued: “You are smaller than you were before. You look more beautiful.”

These words reverberated inside my brain, almost leaving me speechless. I don’t remember my exact response. But I know I was able to remain composed, which for me is a huge win.

My coworker didn’t know, but I’m seven years into anorexia recovery. In my journey, I’ve come to learn that healing isn’t a destination, nor is it linear. There’s no living life without knowing the intimate reality of how anorexia impacted me.

It has been 11 days since this person made that comment to me. I suspect it’s on my mind still because it felt like such an unwarranted and objectifying opinion placed on my body. It felt not OK on a visceral level. I recall in that moment soothing myself with these words: “She’s just projecting her own body insecurity onto you. This has nothing to do with your body. You are OK.” I continued about my day. Her words lingered.

For someone who has walked through anorexia, this comment wasn’t just a trigger, it felt like a threat. I can’t un-feel or forget the trauma and memory of my body shutting down. Of lying in bed wondering if I’d wake up the next morning. Of barely being able to make it through the day because my body was so tired and weak.

While I may remain composed, it has taken many years of therapy and inner work to overcome what goes on inside after a comment like that. For me, losing weight does not represent wearing a different pant size… it was a matter of living or not. In moments such as these, I can’t help but wonder: Did I lose weight? Was there something wrong with my body before? Should I lose weight? I feel disconnected from reality. And from my body.

The danger of comments such as those is that part of me gets pleasure by the idea of being smaller. It feels like the eating disorder wants to sneak up on me again. But another part of me is terrified by the thought of losing weight without meaning to. Both scenarios feel unsafe. And frankly, I think it’s heartbreaking to live in a world that praises me for looking smaller. What about looking happy? Or strong? Or healthy?

My previous self would have wanted to skip meals after that comment. I would have punished myself through grueling workouts and felt worthless afterward, disturbed by my own body.

But I’ve learned.

Others will project their pain and self-doubt onto you, even if it’s in words disguised by “compliments.” If you really pay attention, others will reveal their own insecurities even if they don’t realize it. This does not make their words or actions OK. The truth is:

I am not immune to comments about my body. I shouldn’t have to be, either.

My body is good. Not because of the way I look. But because of who I am.
My body does not define my worth. It reflects it.
My body is beautiful not because of its shape or size. But because it is my home.

Same for you.

This comment was so far off from honoring what my body is, and that is why it felt so disrespectful. My body’s sense of worth cannot be taken away by another’s inability to see their own self-worth—or mine. I believe my coworker had no intention of being hurtful or detrimental. I believe she had no idea how her comment made me feel. However, it did make me realize just how little we can know about someone based off their appearance. It made me rethink that quote: “Be kind to everyone, because you don’t know what hidden battles they are facing.”

Our words are powerful.

Sometimes I miss the innocent young girl I was before anorexia. But I believe in silver linings.

I believe every person who is struggling with an eating disorder has an inner strength that is insurmountable. It takes relentless courage to overcome the very thing that is telling you to starve yourself. Where every day is a struggle. Every meal. Every bite.

But that strength and courage is the beauty and purpose of healing.

Click here to see the article on “The Mighty.” :-)

5 Soulful Ways to Bring Holiday Cheer This Year

Do you struggle with feeling the traditional holiday cheer this year? Many people do – this Christmas is going to be nothing like before. So how to tune into the holiday spirit in these hard times?

I was relaxing on my couch last night watching something on YouTube. Unrelated to anything I was watching, I felt these words in my heart: breath is grace. 

I think this made an impact on me since I’ve been feeling the weight of the typical holiday cheer looking so different this year. It feels weird living in a world that’s normalizing face coverings in the grocery store; with local shops and businesses closing down because of the economy.

It feels un-human: Social distancing. Face coverings. Nose swabs. Everything.

I’m not saying this because I disagree with the protocol—I don’t—but merely because I am trying to live a normal life in a very abnormal time in history.

But then I remember: every breath I’m given is a symbol of grace. The grace to be alive. The grace to be present. And the grace to choose hope. So even amidst times that feel a little bit lonelier and quieter, there is grace.

How to Be More Mindful and Bring Holiday Cheer This Year

Below are 5 interactive ways to step into this “space of grace”—by slowing down and being more mindful:

1. Create A Mindful Journaling Routine:

Before writing anything down, close your eyes and take an inventory of yourself. Are you feeling tense anywhere? Is your jaw clenched? Are your eyebrows furrowed? Howʼs your energy? Just observe, connecting within, before jumping into action.

When you feel centered, begin writing whatʼs on your mind: how youʼre feeling, your goals, dreams, stressors, something youʼre grateful for. Once youʼve finished writing, close your eyes again and take a brief inventory. Do you feel more clear-minded? Did you drop any tension during the exercise?

When you keep a journal, youʼre able to see patterns in your own self. I recommend reading what youʼve written once youʼre finished as this will help you process. Deep desires in your heart rise to the surface more easily. Things that are causing extra stress will be brought to your attention as they recur in your journal entries.

It’s easy to roll out of bed or take any spare moment and scroll on social media. But make time—preferably morning or night—to connect within. Remember: this is a time to connect with yourself.

Donʼt put pressure on yourself to write anything profound or deep. You could simply jot down how you slept and what youʼre grateful for. Keep it simple. Let your heart guide you!  

2. Try Something New:

Try a new recipe. Start learning the guitar. Make your own candles. Listen to a new genre of music. Paint a picture. Engage your mind with something new that sparks your innate creativity.

You heard that right. Your innate creativity! Whatever appeals to you: go with that. Try and stay off social media while you do your hobby (unless youʼre googling fun things to do ;).

It never ceases to amaze me how trying something new—whether itʼs a new recipe or learning a new song— creates more space inside me. A new sense of clarity and ease. Itʼs like a cup of tea for your soul: cozy and uplifting. And it may help you feel the holiday cheer too.

3. Find Deeper Ways to Connect:

I’m aware that not everyone is as obsessed with the Enneagram Personality quiz as I am (I swear it read my soul!), but consider ways you can learn more about yourself and connect deeper to those around you in an interactive way. Maybe take a personality quiz with a friend and then read each otherʼs profiles.

Or, if youʼre rolling your eyes at the thought of doing a personality quiz, think of a few deeper questions that you can ask a friend, significant other, or family member.

Connecting deeply and having meaningful relationships is all about the quality of the time spent, not the quantity (especially during these times of social distancing and masked faces). Make those memories count!

4. Choose a Quote, Prayer, or Mantra:

Words are powerful. Words can inspire, ignite, and remind you of simple truths. Pick out a quote, mantra, or prayer that speaks to you. Write it down somewhere you will see it and read it every day. Pick out a new one when you feel the need for another reminder. My go-to is the ever beloved “Serenity Prayer.”

The Serenity Prayer has helped guide me through many different life seasons. It goes:

“Grant  me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the  things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

You can be as creative and fancy with how you write your quote, prayer, or mantra or as simple as you like. The key is: choose something that speaks to you.

5. Stretch:

As a certified yoga instructor, I may be a little biased as to why having a stretching routine is so beneficial. But donʼt take my word for it—try it for yourself. Even 5  minutes first thing in the morning not only tunes you into your body but also awakens your mind in an easeful way.

Try this:

Sit up in bed (or on a yoga mat) with your legs crisscrossed. Slowly start rolling your head to the right. Repeat 3 times in each direction. Then make loose fists with your hands and circle your wrists 5 times in each direction. On an inhale raise both arms to the ceiling and on an exhale bring them back down to your side.

Repeat twice more. Placing your right hand on the surface beside you (whether itʼs your bed or yoga mat), lift your left arm to the ceiling and reach it towards the right, lengthening out your left side. (Tip: be sure to keep your shoulders away from your neck as you lean).

Hold for 2-3 breaths and repeat on the other side. Fold your chest forward and place your hands on the floor in front of you. You may feel the stretch in your lower back. Keeping your hands planted on the ground, you can sway left and right if it feels good. Stay here for 2-3 breaths. Come back up to the center.

Ta-da! Stretching routine complete. This not only stretches your body but connects you to your breath—that breath of grace inside you!

I hope these tips find their way into your heart and home this year. Not every moment feels sparked with magic and joy, but remembering the grace tucked into each breath can help bring holiday cheer back into this season.

This article was featured on Life Advancer. Check them out here: https://www.lifeadvancer.com/soulful-ways-to-bring-holiday-cheer/

Smile, breathe, and go slowly

I find November to be a difficult month. The air gets chillier. The evenings get darker. The sun feels a bit further away.

Recently my work hours changed and my mornings are very early. I find myself yawning a little bit more. I feel my body call for rest, but the motor in my brain—which never seems to slow down—says, “Keep going. You’re not going fast enough. Do more. Be more.”

It’s tiring.

With my busier schedule, it becomes apparent that I can’t do everything all of the time. My energy is limited. My time is limited.

I am limited.

But here’s the thing: I am not made to be limitless; and neither are you. My fatigue and exhaustion remind me of this truth. Being limited doesn’t mean not being “enough.” Being limited is a reminder that I am not meant to do everything on my own. And that’s a beautiful thing.

Flowers can’t grow on their own, either. They need sunlight and soil. Water and wonder. Time to grow.

So do I.

In case you need the permission from someone else, here it is: It’s ok to be exhausted. It’s ok to take a step back today. It’s ok to lean on a friend or loved one for a little extra comfort.

Take a moment to look out the window. To breathe life in. Sip your coffee slowly. Savor the small moments of slowing down. There is beauty all around.

”Smile, breathe and go slowly.”

Thich Naht Hahn

Slowing Down.

Recently I’ve found myself waking up in the morning with the feeling of urgency. A sense of rushing. My mind is already 10 steps ahead of my body as I still lay under my covers. I’ve been in constant fatigue, feeling like I can’t quite keep up with life. Finding I’m too drained by my self-imposed to-do list, that I no longer have the energy for creativity and music… for the things that enrich my life and make it beautiful.

My body is tired. My mind is tired. I find myself thinking, “Once I finish my certification, my life will slow down.” But will it? Does life actually ever slow down? Or is it we who have to slow down?

I don’t want to be carried away.

So today, instead of fighting my fatigue, I put down what I was doing, made myself a cup of tea and went onto the front porch and wrote this reflection on rain. I felt calm and centered after. Grateful and alive. I hope you enjoy :-)

Rain

I sit here on the porch listening to the pitter-patter of rain

I hear the distant call of a bird across the tree-line

Nature is harmony

A quiet calmness

A sweet surender

The wind blows softly, nuzzling the leaves of our crabapple tree

Gracefully

Wistfully

I feel soothed by the wind

My attention draws back toward the rhythmic rain as it tap-tap-taps

I feel myself draw inward

A reminder to slow down

Ahh…

I reach for my mug of tea only to realize I’ve already sipped the last sip

Lost in the moment of the sweet wonder of rain

Pleasantly awakened.

November Reflection

The November air is settling in; the crisp freshness fills my being with each breath as I walk along the canal . I don’t typically go on walks so close to evening in these cooler months, but there’s magic all of its own. The colors of the sky are gray and blue but the golden light of the crescent moon peeks through. Stillness. I glance over to the water and notice ducks wading; their swimming make small waves in the quiet water. A sense of joy overcomes me. An energy fills my being. These little moments remind me of the gradual beauty in the changing season. There’s a calmness.

Ahh, I feel my heart say.

Typically I dread the cooler weather. It makes me think of cold fingers and toes. Icy roads. Stuffy noses and dry throats. But this year, as the chill air nestles itself here in Rochester, I’m filled with a renewed outlook with the changing seasons. Cozy socks. Hot tea. Snow angels. Warm sweaters. Although the evening gets dark sooner, the moon comes and reminds me of my own inner light peeking through the darkness—an inner light that we all have.

As someone who struggles with anxiety, sometimes it can be hard to untangle myself from my thoughts. Oftentimes in these moments, I turn to the wisdom of nature to let it speak to me in a profound way revealing the message I need to receive.

I look around me. The birds fly in the open sky. The leaves skip across the sidewalk. The smell of autumn infuses the chilly air. These are all reminders to stay grounded in the present moment without feeling the need to change anything. Nature teaches me patience. It teaches me that there’s a time and place for everything; there’s no need to rush.

I watch the clouds cover the moon like a curtain closing. I remind myself that my thoughts are like the clouds that pass by, sometimes hiding my own inner light. And as I watch the clouds gently waft onward, the golden glow comes shining through on the other side again. I smile to myself because I tend to grasp at my thoughts. Clinging. But just as I can’t grab hold of the clouds—thin air—there’s no need to cling to my thoughts. I’m reminded: the inner light never left; it’s merely hiding behind the gray.

Nature is a beautiful example of surrender. The trees surrender to the wind, swaying softly. The water rests calmly under the evening sky. Snow falls gently, tenderly to the earth—no rush.

I continue to learn the same lesson over and over. Be present. Stay attuned. Embrace the simple beauty. Discover calmness by surrendering to the seasons. Allow the discomfort to pass by like the clouds. Trust. The barren trees of winter will soon be clothed in blossoms. The flowers of spring trust the rain will bring them life. It’s the process, a dancing of time.

I come inside from my evening-lit walk, the air inside feels warmer. My cheeks are rosy. My spirit feels awakened and enriched. Gratitude fills my heart.

Remember: Even when the clouds in your own life—whatever it is for you—appear to cover up your inner light, know that your golden glow never left. It merely hid behind the gray, but will reappear again. Just like the moon.

Stay cozy!

Serenity and love,

Colleen

How Anorexia Has Changed Me Over The Past 6 Years (As featured on "The Mighty")

October feels like an anniversary to me, but not in a happy “congratulations” kind of way. October is when the little whispers of my eating disorder began to take control of my life. I had no idea what road this would lead me down. A road that was twisty, dark and seemingly unending.

6 years ago I began to be afraid of my own body.
6 years ago I started to believe food was an enemy coming to invade me.
6 years ago I began to distrust my instincts.
6 years ago the noise in my head began to drown out the voice in my heart.
6 years ago… I look back and think “that’s when it all started to change.”

There’s a beauty and a sorrow in realizing I will never be the same as I was before anorexia. In a sense, I lost part of my innocence. A youthful part of me that didn’t understand pain, shame, and fear to the extent that I do now. Although I see anorexia—and the emotional roller coaster that followed—as my greatest spiritual teacher and a catalyst to living a more authentic and meaningful life, it didn’t come without a price. Experiencing darkness invites us to search more deeply for the light. To become that light for others. To become that voice of hope. To search within for the strength we all have.

The thing about painful experiences is that we aren’t meant to be the same as we were before. I don’t believe that’s what the healing journey is about. Wholeness is a way of living and being—it’s not a destination. The lessons I’ve learned from my own trials have led me to deeper compassion and understanding for others and myself. It has led me to deeper connection with the world around me and my own fragility. I believe that is the purpose of pain and healing. It comes to expand our hearts and sift anything that stands in the way of our truest self. When we surrender to the inevitable set backs in life, we create space within to transform.

Our fear becomes courage.
Our weakness becomes resilience.
Our loss becomes appreciation.
Our loneliness becomes connection.
Our despair becomes hope.

That is the journey of the human heart.

It is a gut-wrenching, soul-igniting, powerful, magnificent, whirlwind of a lifetime.

Some days I wish I was further along in the journey—somewhere else rather than where I am right now. The eating disorder still whispers in my mind, but the voice in my heart grows stronger because I’ve learned to listen to it and trust its guidance. As I continue to embrace my own path of becoming whole, I look back with a reverent gratitude for all of the lessons that my darkest moments have taught me. My humanness connects me to every other person. Some days are harder than others; some months trigger certain memories and emotions, but I’m gradually learning to…

Laugh more. Forgive faster. Run freely. Speak up. Listen deeply. Show up for others. Be present. Appreciate everything.
On the days when it feels more difficult to accept myself and when my mind is spinning in the chaos, I remember that the beauty of life is that our pain creates a depth in our hearts that allows us to love more deeply and be loved in return. May life’s precious moments take our breath away. May the simple joys create a grateful heart. And may the difficulties remind us of the strength we have within.

Serenity and love,

Colleen

This post is published on one of my favorite mental health sights, “The Mighty.” Check them out!