There is no ache quite as poignant as grief.
It opens and expands the heart to new depths and capacities. Deeper than one could imagine is possible.
It’s a regular Tuesday evening and I’m out in the garden. I look up to the sky: I admire the pink sunset hues outlining the clouds - the vast canvas of the universe.
Emotion wells up in my being in this moment of solitude, where the only sounds around me are flowing trees and I feel the tender, poignant peace and pain of impermanance. The loss of a parent is irreversible. The reality of grief can feel insurmountable. But grief, nonetheless, is holy, precious, sacred. My heart is both heavy and surrendered.
I open my journal and write.
8/19/20215
The grief is exhausting today. I’ve cried 3 times and I feel wiped. I’d hoped that by crying and honoring the emotions, I’d feel relief and lighter. But grief cannot be rushed. To rush its sacred process would be a dishonor to the love that once filled what is now a piercing, aching void. So I stay here, in the ache and feel the weight of sadness run down my arms and legs like sinking sand.
The loss of a parent is all encompassing: it’s childhood, it’s memories, it’s formative, it’s new depths of emotion. It’s oceanic. The memories and emotion come crashing hard, sometimes it feels out of nowhere…and while the intensity eventually dissipates…it’s never fully gone. The grief is a part of me now.
In this quiet, tender surrender, I realize: this ache, this longing, is the imprint of love. I wouldn’t ever want to let it go.
I long to hear his fingertips dance across the piano on an early Sunday morning. I see dad smile, knowing I still feel his presence when I hear a beautiful piano piece. His music still lives in me, like a rhythmic heartbeat. A connection that will forever keep him close. The beautiful truth is that the imprint of love can be drawn close through remembering. Through memories. Through the birds soaring in the sky. Or the quiet, gentle sway of trees in the wind. Through music. Through everything he loved - that is now mine to cherish.
Perhaps impermanence is what makes life so beautiful, because through its fragile uncertainty we experience what’s most poignant in life: the chance to feel it all. It is both achey and full of hope. It’s the sunrise and the sunset. The inhale and exhale.
Impermanence is the poignancy of life.
The poignancy of a moment.
The poignancy of love.
It’s the fact that nothing remains the same which is what makes everything matter.
It reminds us to love now. To show up. To receive. To savor. All while the moment lasts. To feel, live and love deeper - the gift of a lifetime. This is what life is about.
The loss is not something we are ever meant to fully heal from. The scar tissue reminds us of the love we carried, the love that still remains inside, and the importance of loving those we have now. Life is too precious not to. Somehow, in this way, grief becomes a gateway to hope and to living more deeply. It’s the surrender to life’s depth and richness and poignancy. This is the impermanence that breeds peace, despite the ache and pain.
It is beautiful, tender, and raw all at once. It’s what gives life so much meaning. While the memories and moments do not last forever, they live on in the sanctuary of the heart. In this way, impermanence is a sacred invitation to live.
I close my journal and thank the grief for visiting me. A peace that transcends the pain settles inside me. I surrender softly to the impermanence of life and breathe a little deeper.
Almost one month later: 9/14/2025
Dear dad,
One year ago today you took your last breath. Yet by a grace that is deeper than I’ve ever known, I feel closer to you than ever before.
Thank you for the gift of grief - the gift of remembering you and holding you close in my heart. Our final weeks together were some of the most tender, poignant and healing moments of my life - a love that is forever deepened. I will hold that close to my heart for the rest of my life.
Your zest and spark for life lives on in me and I will do everything I can to live the life you’d want me to. I know you are watching over me, guiding me, every step of the way.
I love you. I miss you. May you radiate in the stars until we meet again.